Grief

Grief

Oh grief how silently it comes …without warning… without expectations. Regardless of how many times we have experienced grief, each experience is quite unique leaving a distinct mark within our existence. Feelings of sadness, anger, confusion, and deep hurt overcome our mundane existence, which leaves us feeling isolated and unable to connect at times.

The interesting thing about grief is that it's not selective to death, but rather we experience grief in many forms. For example, a divorce, the loss of a friend (not due to death) or a drastic change. We are shaken and left wondering why and what the next day will lead to. Despite these overwhelming feelings, it is important to highlight that with each new day we have the opportunity to change our bonds, our relationship with our loss and our new existence. Making meaning for ourselves while honoring what we once had and what the present now holds. However, it is important to emphasize that it is no easy feat nor a linear one. Moreover, each individual will experience it differently, some deeper than others, but respectfully important to each individual.

As a therapist who specializes in grief, I can guarantee that it gets more manageable with time. It is not working through the grief but rather shifting your relationship, expectations, and perceptions with the loss. It is accepting what has come, creating new relationships, and adjustments. More importantly, accepting your emotions, and understanding that this is part of the process and you are not alone.

Limiting Our Accessibility

We often hear the need to limit our access or better yet set our boundaries. But what does that really mean? How do we limit our access, especially in a world where social media takes such precedent. 

When talking about accessibility or boundary setting, you want to think about people, places and things that deplete your mental, physical and/or physiological spaces. Things that do more harm than benefit. For example, toxic relationships, one sided friendships, or places that make us regress. 

We limit accessibility by: Setting firm boundaries (i.e. not answering texts during certain hours, declining unnecessary engagements, and limiting what we share about ourselves), engaging in meaningful activities, and engaging in uplifting self care (i.e. exercise, meditation, pampering). 

Now that we have a bit of an idea on how to limit our accessibility and for what reasons we may have to, how will you be able to incorporate this into your own life? Save your capacities for people, places and things that are worth your magic.

XX,

LV

Is happiness truly the end game?

People are constantly searching for the next goal, the next source, or the next step. Their search is commonly geared towards happiness, but are we truly looking for happiness? Is happiness the ultimate goal? Should happiness be the ultimate goal?

In my 11 years of working in the mental health field, I have constantly heard the word ‘happiness’ loosely thrown around as if it’s something physical and attainable. As if it’s a tangible piece of our reality waiting for us at the end of some road. But honestly, there is no real evidence demonstrating this or any real formula telling us how to reach this happiness.  In fact, happiness is an emotion, a byproduct of what we construe in our lives. People that I’ve encountered, who have reached true happiness have only done so by creating ‘meaning’ in their lives. As Frankl states in his book the feeling of meaningless ‘the more one makes happiness an aim, the more that aim is missed.’ He  further explains that ‘meaning’ is the true quest of human existence. 

When we speak about ‘meaning’ we are talking about those values, those purposeful acts that fulfill us, and make us wake up in the morning. These ‘meanings’ in our lives fulfill our soul and ultimately give us a sense of happiness, something that is quite unique to each and every one of us.

Now as we begin a new year and think about all the things 2020 has left us with or their lack of, how are you construing ‘meaning’ into your life? How are you going to get there? Whether it’s through art, creativity, reengaging that long lost passion, 2021 is your year to reconstruct and create new ‘meaning’ into your life.